The Stupid Guitarist on the Roof
by Karhien
Summary: For tikah.onefivefour. Antonio never tries to confess to Lovino (or even tries to talk to him), thinking it'll be useless when the Italian would reject him for his own crush. Unbeknownst to him, Lovino actually doesn't have anyone in his mind much to the Italian's own dismay. One day, Antonio's friends found out his secret and decided to play matchmaker with them.


**Well, here is the reward one-shot for on being my 100th reviewer of "A Turtle and A Ring."**

 **I'm sorry that it took so much time to make it and I hope you like it. Enjoy!**

* * *

Antonio sighs. There he is… Lovino Vargas…

As much as Antonio wants to date him –maybe even talk to him, the Spaniard can't help but think the handsome and cute Italian man would never accept his feelings.

Of course, his best friends keep bothering him about it…

"Mon ami, come on. You should go there and claim that Italian man." Francis tries to reassure. "He's simply right there for you to take!"

Antonio just smiles and chuckles a bit sadly. "Francis, you know I can't just go there and talk to Lovi! What can I say? What should I talk about?"

"How about saying you want to acclaim his vital regions?" Gilbert questions. "It's way better than becoming "one with mother Russia" like one un-awesome person…"

Antonio blushes and shakes his head. He did not want to look like that sort of guy to Lovi! And it's not fair that both Francis and Gilbert are trying to help him get together with Lovino, only for Lovi to be angry and punish them, especially Francis… Lovino had already beaten Francis up multiple times. And the 52nd time did not look great for Francis at all…

"Well mon ami," Francis begins again. "You have to take a chance or else you may forever regret it."

"Wasn't that the same line that the Chinese guy when he asked his brother out?"

" _Step_ -brother, Gilbert. It is romantic and it's not like you've been getting any luck with him."

Gilbert simply scoffs. "Bitte! I'm way too awesome for that creeper! He got me shivering my awesome ass off that one freezing lake! And he has the guts to threaten me! Yeah right!"

Antonio couldn't help but giggle a little bit at Gilbert's behavior. His complains are always funny to listen and it helps to know that Antonio isn't the only one that's been having trouble with love.

" _See_ mon ami, you can't waste your valuable time like poor dear Gilbert here."

"Hey! Don't be such an Arshloch!"

But Francis ignores Gilbert's little protest.

"You have to have that conquistador blood that your ancestors had! Maybe you can talk about family! Lovino does have those cousins of his. I mean, you can never forget Luciano…"

Francis shivers at the memory of the consequences of having a grope the Feliciano look-a-like cousin. Oh such horrible memories…

"But Lovino doesn't like people talking about Feliciano!" Antonio says, "I don't want mi tomate think I'm favoring Feli over him!"

Both Francis and Gilbert sigh at this. Really, Antonio can be such an idiot at times. The Spaniard has admirers, fangirls, and _fanboys_! What does Antonio suspect is good enough for Lovino –God?!

* * *

It's another damn boring day for Lovino…

Why? Because he is still fucking single, that's why!

Seriously, what the fuck is wrong with Lovino? Why does no one want to fucking date him? Lovino has the Italian looks, he knows how to fucking cook, and he knows over a hundred flirts and insults each! Seriously, his own stupid and younger brother is dating someone! Even if that person is a complete potato bastard…

"Ve, what's wrong, grande fratello? Did you accidently ate some of the cafeteria food?"

Lovino shakes his head and sighs. "No, I'm just fucking pissed off…"

Feliciano tilts his head ans looks with complete curiosity. Feliciano knows that Lovino can look angry most of the time but he can tell when his big brother is in a very, very bad mood…

Lovino is feeling something other than anger and annoyance.

"Ve, what's been bothering you, grande fratello? Did someone say something mean to you?"

Lovino shakes his head again. "No…"

But it looks like Lovino is going to say more. Feliciano waits until Lovino begins to speak up again.

"Hey Feli, do you think… I'm not sexy enough?"

Feliciano tries not to trip over his own feet again. But he does trip on his own feet.

He can't help but be shocked. Why would grande fratello asked that? Lovino looks more attractive than him! And there is Nonno's good charms in Lovino more than Feliciano. Really, Feliciano is completely shocked and surprised that Lovino asked that! Big brother Antonio even has a crush on him!

"Goddamn it, Feliciano! Is it really that fucking unbelievable that you had to fucking trip over yourself!" Lovino yells out.

Feliciano immediately gets up. Well, it's more of trying to get up since it seems Feliciano strangely has two left feet when there is walking, running, or standing up involved. But strangely not dancing…

"V-Ve! No! I-It's not like that at all!" Feliciano tries to convince. "In fact, Flavio thinks you're very attractive!"

Lovino scoffs at this. "Flavio? You mean our bastard cousin that would fuck with any guy that shows a tad interest in his ass?"

Feliciano can't help but not deny that. Flavio is an interesting cousin… He likes to dye his hair blond, wear bright-colored designer clothes, and is quite… promiscuous…

"Ve, um, how about Luciano? He thinks you're attractive!"

Lovino can't help but look at Feliciano with a raised eyebrow. "Luciano? The other cousin? You do know it's the cousin that likes to throw knives, right? You know, the cousin that you keep running away from?"

Feliciano shivers at the bad memories. Yes, Feliciano remembers way too much of Luciano… Luciano likes taking charge and throwing very, very sharp things way too close for comfort. It really isn't stupid to be scared of your own cousin… especially a cousin that throws very lethal weapons at you that can do more than give you a bad booboo…

"And those are family, of course they are going to say I'm hot! I mean, what do your friends say? They have to say something about me. I have a damn right to know –except for the potato bastard because fuck him!"

Feliciano wonders which friend he should tell to Lovino. Elizabeta keeps saying that if Feli and big brother were thinking about being a couple, Lovino would be "one hot uke" if Feliciano had a really scary side… Maybe not Elizabeta…

Kiku is nice! …Though he never does say anything much about Lovino…

Big brother Francis said he would make sweet and hot love to Lovino…

Big brother Gilbert said Lovino is okay enough to hang out with the awesome him…

Heracles said Lovino looks like a cat he got when he was shopping for more fish…

Roderich said Lovino could sing very well but always criticize him about leaving a mess…

And well… there are others that can be… questioning…

"Um, big brother Antonio thinks you're cute!"

Feliciano hopes that big brother Antonio doesn't panic for what he said was very true. But Antonio can be a bit too strong, especially when he shook Feliciano too much during the time when he found out about Antonio's crush. Feliciano almost got dizzy remembering it…

But Feliciano swears, he saw a blush on Lovino!

But unfortunately Lovino scoffs at this. "Feli, that bastard says that to fucking everyone! I swear, he's way too damn nice for his own good! It's no fucking surprise that the bastard has damn fangirls…"

Feliciano can't help but worry. This is not the answer that he wants to hear! Antonio had asked about Lovino all the time! And he keeps saying how cute Lovino is too! They would make such a great couple!

"Ve! But he's not bad! He's really, really great! And I think you two could make a pretty couple!"

Feliciano can't help but shut his mouth with a thud.

Uh oh… He thinks he just told big brother Antonio's secret…

But Lovino looks at his fratellino with widened eyes and red cheeks. Lovino isn't smiling but he isn't exactly frowning…

And then Lovino quickly walks away. Feliciano can't help but let out a surprised "Ve?!" and run to his grande fratello. What is that about? Is fratello mad? Why is he acting like this? Did Feliciano messed up really, really bad? Oh no. Feliciano did! He doesn't know how but–

"We won't be damn pretty…" Lovino mumbles. "I'm too hot for pretty…"

Huh…?

"Ve, what about Antonio?"

Lovino walks even quicker.

But Feliciano can't help but giggle. He could see fratello's ears are red.

* * *

Of course, it took way too long that Feliciano had met up with big brother Gilbert and big brother Francis in a dark alley that Nonno and Lovino told him not to go multiple times.

Feliciano wonders why and asked Nonno and Lovino about it but he still has to be older to find out. Maybe it had to do something with the guy who gave him candy and wanted Feli to go with him in a big white van… Nonno did beat the man up after Lovino head-butted him in the gut…

But Feliciano has to do this!

He has to help his grande fratello get true love! True love makes everyone happy! And Lovino deserves to be happy!

"Ve… Big brother Gil and big brother Francis, what are we going to do? Big brother Antonio and grande fratello are still not together!"

Big brother Francis pets him on the head and gives a comforting smile. "Do not worry, Feli. We shall get these two together! For true love!"

Big brother Gilbert scoffs at this. "Yeah, as if our other attempts were successful and awesome like me… You know, the typical love letters were either sent to the wrong people or have Lovino beat your French ass…"

"Now Gil–"

"Or that weird rumor thing that we started that was Lovino and Antonio being together, only to have it end somehow with Lovino being pregnant and Antonio was the father…"

"Gilbert, please–"

"And let's not forget the most un-awesome failure! Since we all know that being stuck in a closet plan was far from awesome…" Gilbert shivers, remembering what happened. "Mein gott, how the hell did you get me stuck with Lovino? I thought Awesome Junior and the Awesome Duo were about to ripped out…!"

Feliciano lets out a "Ve?" and tilts his head in confusion.

Who's Awesome Junior and the Awesome Duo? Are they a rock band?

Big brother Francis sighs at this. "Alright, so normal romantic approaches aren't going to succeed and we cannot hope that one of them is going to confess to the other anytime at all…"

Feliciano lets out a sad sigh. When is his brother Lovino going to be with his significant other…? Lovino deserves to be happy… And big brother Antonio seems very, very nice.

"Well, it seems true French romance can't get them together…" Francis sighs out. "That is why I shall be asking you, Feliciano, for your advice. You got Gilbert's brother to court with you –so let's hear an idea from you, Feli."

Feliciano lets out a surprised "Ve?" and looks at big brother Francis. Is he really asking for his advice? But what can Feliciano say? Maybe he should remember all the friendship things he did with Ludwig. For some reason, it can be seen as "romantic" to some people.

Well, big brother Lovino and Antonio can't exactly hug and kiss each other. Or have their name written below a drawn umbrella that has a heart on top of it. Or write letters confirming their friendship, big brother Francis can't take another kick in the balls…

Maybe…

"Ve! I got it! How about a serenading song!"

Both Gilbert and Francis look at Feliciano. Each big brother is raising an eyebrow and looking at Feliciano really weird that's making the Italian feel nervous. What did Feliciano say?

"Feli, you're cute and great for West but how the hell are we going to get your brother to stay in one place without head-butting his way to the exit?" Gilbert suggests.

"Or have our dear sweet Spaniard not shy away from your brother?"

Feliciano ponders and thinks really, really hard about this. He has to think and find out what he should do to get Lovino and big brother Antonio together. Maybe… just maybe…

"Ve! We get big brother Antonio to play and sing on the roof! And there's only one door and I know that Luddy has a key! I can ask him!" Feliciano concludes. "Ve, I tried to do that once but Kiku said I shouldn't embarrass Luddy like that when I asked if I could borrow his speakers –Ve, speakers are really, really heavy…"

"And what about Antonio, Feli? How can we make sure that the Spaniard won't shy away from your brother?"

"Oh, oh! Maybe we can make sure that big brother Tony doesn't see him!"

Gilbert then looks at Francis. "So what, we blindfold Tony or something?"

Francis snickers. "Blindfold him? My, my, Prussian, that's quite daring of you to suggest~."

Gilbert widens his eyes and looks like he's about to retch. "Oh mein Gott! Nein! Hölle nein! That's not what I meant!"

"Ve… But it is true, big brother Antonio seems to disappear anytime he sees grande fratello…"

Francis hums and stokes his beard whiskers. He looks like he's thinking really, really, _really_ hard –harder than Feliciano was thinking!

Then he snaps his fingers.

"Alright, I got it! We'll do what you suggested, Feli! This is going to be very easy this time!"

* * *

Lovino doesn't know what the fuck is going on but somehow Feliciano, his stupid and damn naïve fratello of his, tricked him! Of course, there's no way Feliciano had done this by himself.

Of course, Lovino easily recognizes one annoying bastard's voice. Especially when said bastard had just yelled out, "How the Hölle is this easy, Francis!" as Lovino tried to open the only door that the livid Italian can exit out. And Lovino definitely knows who the fuck Francis is…

Lovino is so going to kick Francis in the balls again…!

And why the fuck dumb, dumber, and dumbest would put Lovino here on the fucking roof! He will not get stuck in this fucking shitty roof because of two assholes and a dumbass!

He will break this fucking of a fuck door if he has to! And–!

…Who the fucking _hell_ is playing guitar at a time like this?!

Lovino turns around and sees… a blindfolded dumbass Spaniard playing a guitar…

…What the cock-guzzling, shit-crapping, fucking fuck is that French bastard thinking now?!

But Lovino doesn't try to break the door. He's tired –that's all! Nothing else! Lovino sits down and listens to the decent tune from the Spaniard. It's also really fucking weird that Lovino has never talk or really got near to this decently hot Spaniard.

To be honest, Lovino has seen and stared at the infamous and god-made miracle ass –but who fucking hasn't! And the stupid smile on his stupid face is okay, Lovino guesses…

But Lovino hasn't really talked to the Spaniard. But it's not his fault! Somehow Lovino can't find or talk to the Spaniard –no matter what he does! –not that he was trying or anything…

Lovino sighs and is ready to get away from the stupid locked door and –Wait, Lovino knows this tune…

Lovino stares as the blindfolded Spaniard is playing a very familiar Italian tune on his guitar. Lovino can say that the Spaniard is decent with playing the guitar. Lovino will let him play. He's locked up on this damn roof, he might as well listen to some amateur music.

Lovino makes himself comfy and sits down, watching an idiot Spaniard play the guitar and not try to take off the blindfold on him. He closes his eyes and listens to the guitar playing. He can take a break and try again with the door after he's energized.

But then he begins to sing.

Lovino immediately opens his eyes and sees that yes, the blindfolded Spaniard is actually singing. And holy fuck, the bastard can sing!

But of course, the Spaniard is singing in Spanish to an Italian tune…

But Lovino will forgive him –only this time and nothing else!

Lovino can luckily translate to himself what the Spanish bastard is singing out and… Holy crapole, it's a fucking love song! What the hell is the blindfolded bastard thinking?! Singing a cheesy stupid love song on a fucking roof!

And… And is he singing out his name, Lovino's name?!

And it's… it's a love song…

Lovino can't put his head around that some person is singing a love song with –with his name! Is this why the stupid French asshole, potato bastard number two, and Feliciano got him here…?

And to think there really is someone that likes him…

Lovino just stays there and watches the Spaniard sing.

Lovino doesn't really know much shit about Antonio though. He has seen Antonio time from time but never really talk to the guy. But hey, maybe Lovino could risk it and romance the hell out of the Spaniard. Italians are the true passionate lovers, not the French, damn it!

Lovino blinks as silence spread out. The song is finished…

Shit, what is he supposed to do? Or say?

Lovino tries to remain calm as Antonio puts his guitar down and unties the blindfold. Okay, Lovino needs to be the Italian man that he is. He is going to act like the romantic and passionate Italian he's supposed to be. Okay, Antonio almost has his blindfold off and…

"Um… Ciao, I'm–"

"L-Lovino?!" Huh, Lovino didn't know that the Spaniard can blush like that. At least Lovino isn't the only bastard that blushes…

"Um, H-Hola Lovi!"

…The fuck is a Lovi?!

But Lovino needs to be cool… He can do it…

"So…" Lovino begins but he's inwardly panicking

He doesn't know how to flirt with a guy. Nonno only taught him and Feliciano how to flirt with bellas. He knows over a hundred flirts for bellas. And Lovino can't fuck this up. He can't insult the Spaniard. And Lovino is Italian. He can do this. He can flirt with a guy.

"Um… Nice voice, bastard."

Well, he fucked up. Nice voice, bastard? Really? Lovino can't believe he couldn't stop himself from insulting the guy. Maybe he should focus on the door again and this time–

"Really? Oh thank you! Muchas gracias! I'm so glad that you like my singing voice!"

…Huh.

Either this Spaniard is a complete idiot or he really… likes him…

And what the hell, Lovino hates being single and the guy is Antonio Fernandez Carriedo, a nice singer with a nice ass.

And this bastard maybe has a cute smile…

Lovino leans on one leg and coughs a little. "So… why are you here on the roof?"

Maybe Lovino can enjoy this time on the roof with the Spaniard, getting to know the guy and finally not be single…

* * *

"Ve, do you think big brother Tony and grande fratello are okay?"

"Why Mon précieux Italien, I don't hear any screaming or shouts…"

"Do you think we un-awesome-ly caused our best friend's death?"

Francis immediately shushes the Prussian. But he doesn't deny that it might be a possibility…

And Francis can't help but worry that after the song, the silence is scaring him more and more. With some _unfortunate_ encounters with sweet Feliciano's big brother, Francis can say that Lovino can be _extremely_ strong when he wants –as well as merciless…

But love is powerful! Love had overcome many obstacles!

But now Francis isn't so sure how strong love is against Lovino's anger and wrath…

With the previous attempts, Lovino and Antonio hasn't exactly met face to face. This attempt could lead to… well, too many possibilities to be honest.

One of the worst case scenarios –or a lot of them leads to Lovino hurting and/or killing the delectable Spaniard. The absolute worst could be the three matchmakers have created a monster who's now unquenched for blood and death…

Yup, Francis should stay away from horror for a little while…

"Ve! I think I hear something!"

"Huh, I think my awesome ear heard it too!"

Wait, what?

Francis presses his ear on the door. He can hear something too!

It sounds faint… and familiar…

It reminds Francis that one time when he shoved Arthur in a closet, only to have the British man escape because he left the key there and–

 _Click!_

…Oh no…

Francis immediately backs away in a panic. Unfortunately, Gilbert and Feli didn't have much time as Lovino slammed the door open on them.

And he looks pissed…

"…Il francese…" Lovino growls out.

Brave… Francis can be b-brave… He can –he can be a b-b-brave m-man…!

"It was Gilbert's idea! All his! I was only a pawn! Veuillez avoir pitié!"

…Well, he tried…

"Wollen Sie mich veräppeln! That is so not awesome!" Gilbert shouts out. Francis is very surprised that Gilbert is not unconscious like poor Feli…

Unfortunately, it doesn't look like Lovino is changing his mind…

"I should maim both of you bastards for trying to lock me up in the fucking roof!" Lovino growls out.

Well, at least Francis's body has more dignity and didn't let any… excrements get out. Unfortunately, it's not helping his heart or how much the Frenchman is unnaturally sweating…

But then a miracle happens.

At first, Francis and Gilbert hear a giggle. And then they see him.

Somehow, dear and sweet and sexy Antonio is alive and not beaten to a pulp.

"Lovi, could you please forgive both of them. I'm sure they were going to unlock the door. And they gave me the key if they forgot. So por favor, forgive them?"

Both Francis and Gilbert stare with widened eyes back to back slowly at the angered Italian and the Spanish survivor.

While Antonio is still smiling, Lovino looks… less angry?!

How can that be possible?!

"Fine… I'll let the bastard live one more day…"

Really?! Lovino just –he calmed down?!

Lovino takes a glance then a look at his unconscious little brother. He does a sigh. Then he crouches down and lifts Feliciano to his feet. Lovino has sweet Feli's arm around his shoulders and goes downstairs. Immediately, Francis and Gilbert move aside and away from Lovino's path…

Who knows how quickly lit the hotheaded Italian can be right now…

"Oh," Lovino says as he pauses and has a look of remembrance on his face. "I almost forgot something important."

Immediately and quickly, Lovino punches Francis in the gut.

Mon Dieu! It's like a professional boxing champion did a knockout on Francis's gut!

Francis slowly moves down to the side, groaning weakly as he falls down on the stairs…

Lovino just readjusts his hold on his unconscious brother and then continues to go downstairs. Francis's body does the smart thing and goes the other way, away from Lovino…

Francis takes one hand away from the painful suffering wound and on the stairs. Even though his lower midsection is majorly suffering, there's still that one answer that Francis needs to know…

"Antonio…"

"Oh, sí Francis?"

"Are you finally…" _Ugh…!_ "Together…?"

Antonio smiles even more and looks the most cheerful and happiest that both Francis and Gilbert have seen… And that's saying a lot as the Spaniard can be easily amused and happy, especially with looking at antique swords.

Antonio giggles. "We're… We're going to go on a date! Oh, estoy tan emocionada~!"

And that is all Francis needs to know…

His body immediately gives out. And he goes unconscious…

* * *

Feliciano wakes up. He sits up and sees… he's in his comfy bed…

Ve… What happened…?

Oh yeah! He was helping grande fratello Lovino get together with big brother Antonio! He, big brother Francis, and big brother Gilbert did a plan for big brother Antonio to serenade Lovi without getting scared. It seems to be a good plan still when Feliciano thinks about it.

But Feliciano couldn't believe he forgot that big brother Antonio is really, really nice that big brother Antonio would definitely give the key to Lovino. Lovino can be very polite and gentleman-like. He can even say please really, really, _really_ good!

But Feliciano still wonders though… Did it work…?

 _Click! Creak…_

Ah, Lovino! And he has pasta!

"Ve~! Grande fratello!"

Lovino hums and places the dish of pasta on Feliciano's lap.

"You're an idiot." Lovino says. "You're a damn idiot for working with the biggest dumb fuck and the potato bastard's big brother. Why the fuck did you have to work with them?"

"Ve…" Feliciano knows that Lovino is upset. But he really wanted to help Lovino.

But Feliciano sees that Lovino looks… guilty…

Then Lovino coughs a couple of times. "And-I'm-sorry-about-knocking-you-out. Okay, I didn't mean to hurt you –so take my apology, capiche?"

Feliciano smiles and nods. Lovino is such a wonderful grande fratello…

"Ve… I forgive you, grande fratello…" Feliciano finally takes a bite of the pasta. So good~.

Lovino blushes a little and grumbles a little, saying that Feliciano is an idiot. But Feli knows that Lovino really cares about him. The dish of pasta on his lap is enough to convince him. And the pasta is delicious~.

" _Okay_ , now you got to tell me why you were doing this shit. _Now_."

Feliciano stops chewing and tenses a little. But he immediately relaxes and swallows the delicious pasta down. He knows what to say to Lovino.

"Ve, I want my grande fratello Lovino to be with someone, of course!"

" _Tch!_ I can find someone by my own damn self!"

"No, no, that's not what I mean, grande fratello!" Feliciano panics. He tries not to move much as he doesn't want to make a mess on his blankets again –especially with the red sauce…

Feliciano takes a deep breath and stares directly into Lovino's eyes.

"I also wanted grande fratello to be with the best person suited for him." Feliciano answers. "Ve, I think –I believe that big brother Antonio is perfect for you! He likes tomatoes, siestas, dancing, and big brother Francis keeps saying that he has a nice ass–"

"Don't listen or get near to that perverted bastard, Feliciano!"

Feliciano couldn't help but giggle at Lovino's concern. Even though big brother Francis is a nice guy, it's really nice to hear and see that Lovino really cares about him a lot.

But then Lovino stops showing his concerned angry face and is now showing his… hesitant look on. He crosses his arms and looks at the pasta. His lips twitch down a little and narrows his eyes more, almost glaring down at the pasta as if it isn't pasta.

"…You still didn't have to put me trapped on a fucking roof…" He grumbles. "I could have found out and ask him out myself…"

Feliciano giggles again. Lovino immediately smacks him at the back of his head.

Oh! Feliciano almost forget!

"Ve, hey grande fratello, are you finally together with Antonio?"

Lovino blushes.

"Sì, sì, I am." Lovino answers with blushing red cheeks.

"Ve, that's fantastico!"

"Sì, sì, it is. But don't you dare try playing matchmaker with potato bastard number two and the French bastard ever again."

* * *

 **Hopefully, you like this, . I hope I did well with this award one-shot and the basic plot that you gave me.**

 **Sorry again for it taking so long. And thank you again for being my 100th reviewer of "A Turtle and A Ring."**


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